amy2kyo

As dull as a weekend always be, you often complained that you’ve got nothing to do, but it’s cool that you’ve already got used to it. And you’re not just bored staying at home, but you’ve always think that weekends are the only time you’re able do anything and everything without thinking of time, cos you don’t have to rush, unlike weekdays. And what now? Lunch hour has passed just like that, without taking any food. Luckily you’ve stuffed your tummy with quite a lot of food this morning, else you’re gonna be lost without any edible material to be digested soon enough. Anyway, you just hope the days end faster til the day you’ll be meeting super cool people. I know you’re anxiously awaiting, I knew it. And I knew you already started to miss them since the day you parted. Hmm, I’m sure they felt the same way as you do.

Okay, okay. Let’s watch some tv.

Study week’s here. Exam’s in two weeks time. Going back home a week after that. Just couldn’t wait any longer! Sigh. Home is where I want to be. Home is where I do not have to worry about anything. Home is where I’m free. Sigh (again).

I heard from a friend that you repeat the same thing this round. Why is that eh? You’re just one screwed up person. I just couldn’t help it but to feel resented and annoyed. You said you’re gonna change, not letting this thing to happen ever again. You’re given a chance and still, this is the way you reciprocate? You and your bossy-self, I never wanted to look at anymore. It’ll be best if you just stay the way you are now cos even you turned to a new leaf, it’ll be strange to talk to you and I do not even think of chit-chatting to you, ever. Tsk tsk you. Sigh.

And umm, I still have question marks in my head. Anyway, I’m going to bed. Good night.

I’m glad that you’ve made the move. At least you’re trying to mend what’s broken. [Thank you.] Yet, I felt the missing points. The sense of togetherness didn’t exist at its fullest although we came barging in side by side. Isn’t it ironic? And why is the absence? I just tried so hard to figure out that and what I could think of is that we’re not expressive enough.

I though and I thought about it a lot and I am still thinking. Why such inklings are mingling in the air? It makes me want to shoo bad things away but the power of one always fails.

Fear is a small word with big meaning. I fear, you fear, we all fear over things we have yet to expect. Fear is a huge iceberg in our mind if we never wanted to let it melt away. Many ways we can do, at least harmless trials. Sometimes I couldn’t stand the phobic moments a person faces, it turns off anything and everything that a person wanted to do so much. Sometimes, easy tasks became difficult.

It’s 2am. Good night.

A short, but meaningful conversation left me tonnes of question marks. I think he understands his opposite sex well enough that he could tell me the exact situation I am in right now. Therefore I’m agreeing to whatever he said, just couldn’t deny things anymore. But there are alot of things to think and care about.

Too much to consider, too little time. The want to just stay put, didn’t want to go to the next track, although I know, good songs are ahead. I’m contented with the song I’m listening right now. I just want to hold on to this until I know it’s time.

Call me stupid for not treasuring the upcoming tracks and not appreciating the chances lie ahead of me. I shake my head, saying “naaa, it’s a nice song, indeed it is.” I stayed on, for awhile in the previous track, thinking that that song might be jovial but it wasn’t, and at the same time thinking whether if the next song would be good, but I regret, I regret and I regret. The next song is indeed a better one, quality wise. So I moved on to the next song, although it’s an oldies, I like it and I still like it up til today. Therefore I’m not hitting the “next” button just yet.

Oldies, anyone?

Something came across my mind. What if you’re not who I knew anymore? What if you’re a person who I want to communicate lesser each day? What if . . . What if . . . What if . . .

Tsk tsk tsk.

I witnessed and I realized and I’m scared, I’m really scared. I began to worry if that’s your true self. Years ahead would be difficult. I’m worry for you and I’m worry for you and I’m worry for myself. Sigh. Sighh.

One of Buddha’s teachings is open-mindedness, it simply means: tolerance – give and take. It’s not something easy though you think it’s easy. Attitude-conflicts worsen the case, that happens every time. Simple logic, if both sides eager to win, eager to be all-right, problems aren’t gonna be solved. But, we just can’t avoid illogical shits.

I just want to live behind the mask. My expressions are hidden. Everything is hidden behind the mask. I appear like what’s on the mask the whole time. I feel better this way.

I suddenly felt like I’m living without a direction. Lost in the middle of searching a way out of this claustrophobic space. I want to just sit down and cry out everything. But what’s there to be so depressed about? See, I’m lost, I don’t even know why is the need to cry. I’m losing my mind.

Maybe that’s just a feeling and a feeling varies according to situations. Everyday is so routine and I have nothing to say about that because that’s my life, at least for now. I see people everyday. I see cars everyday. I see dogs everyday. I see food everyday. And I see what I see.

Humans are complicated beings. I see same type of humans, I see different types of humans. But what am I really looking at? Attitudes or aptitudes? I say, both, but more attentions to the former. Do I see mine? I’ve got to be more conscious to do that. And that’ll make me lose my mind, again for sure.

Days come and go. Years come and go. The rat year is ending soon. The cows are getting themselves to moo around soon enough. What does this gotta do with my feelings? I don’t know. I really don’t know. Met my parents today, feeling happy just for a short period of time and feeling upset at the same time. No, I’m not having PMS. Just wasn’t myself for that bit of time.

Say, sleep is obligatory, not sleeping kills. I don’t wanna die just yet.

I don’t quite like you and the way you deal with things. How much does it cost you to open up and ask for a favor? You’re dealing with your biggest day in life, minus the fact that you’ve been through this once. As an experience, you should be taking care of every single bit of events and missing one of them and  get yourself in last-minute-trouble, thus causing others in trouble too. I just couldn’t stop myself from thinking the relationship in your nucleus circle. Excuses are merely forms of avoidance and worst was when your kuya didn’t even volunteer to help. The smell of rivalry is rather strong. Perhaps they just gave up on you long time when you’ve lost the first ever happy scenes. Sometimes you just can’t assume and take everything for granted. It’s the power of negotiation that is needed. It’s just as simple as that. Above all, I think working harder to prove your capabilities are much better. I’m sure you could do that rather than pushing the responsibilities to a third party. Are you being afraid to ask for a favor or you just took advantage of the person who once bore you for being close to your uncle? You’re a loser. Tell me now what have you got to lose to do something extra to complete things? I can’t help it but to feel a little pissed though I know I shouldn’t. Who cares? My parents don’t. Why should I?

Help yourself before asking others to help you.

(Answering a call from Ryan)

Ee Ee: Halo Ryan.

Ryan: Halo Ee Ee. I sang three songs, the first one is Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star, the second one is You Are My Sunshine, and the last one is My Grandfather’s Clock.

Ee Ee: Yes ah… When Ee Ee comes back,  you show Ee Ee how you dance ok?

Ryan: Ee Ee, why you never come back? I miss you very much. Please come back tomorrow.

Ee Ee: I miss you too but Ee Ee cannot come back. No holiday, cannot come back.

Ryan: O, but, but, but, I want you to come back.

Ee Ee: Ee Ee will come back next month ok?

Ryan: O, ok. Bye Ee Ee, bye bye bye bye bye bye..

You can’t believe how long I’ve waited to see this video! I’m just too happy, too happy.

You’d say you can’t hear his voice due to the noisy crowds. You’d say he didn’t sing well. You’d say he’s performance is lack of semangat. “Little Bell (the kindergarten) didn’t do rehearsal for him, so stressful la, then he straight away go up stage and perform without rushing, he considered good boy dy lor.” (My eldest sis) Apa punya tadika, orang nak perform on stage, tak buat rehearsal. Bad bad preparation.

Anyway, bravo Ryan. Ee Ee always love you. =)

P/S: There are more videos coming up! XD

*Updated*

Abit the blurry and shaky. Ryan Papa’s work, haha. But look at how Ryan shakes! Koolz. XD